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April 2009 
Areté Notes on: The Power of TED*
Posted on Oct 4th, 2007
by 
Brian
Brian
As I embark on the next phase of my journey as a (Professional) Student of Life, I'm committed to sharing all the gems I learn. (And I'll be re-launching and expanding thinkarete.com later this year where I plan to capture the big ideas from 100 of my favorite books/teachers before leading workshops in early '08 where we'll be integrating these truths into our 21st century lives. Fun. :)
As promised, here's a little note I wrote on the Power of TED* workshop I went to a couple weekends ago.
Areté Notes on: The Power of TED*
By Brian Johnson
TED’s your friend.
Seriously.
David Emerald’s simple, powerful fable, “The Power of TED*,” (featuring his uber-wise character, TED) is a life changing kinda book.
In this overview I’ll introduce you to two (very) different orientations from which we can choose to live: Victim and Creator. One’ll land you in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and the other’ll place you squarely where you want to be: in The Empowerment Dynamic (TED).
Ready? Let’s jump in!
…
The Dreaded Drama Triangle
“When you inhabit any of these three roles, you’re reacting to fear of victimhood, loss of control, or loss of purpose. You’re always looking outside yourself, to the people and circumstances of life, for a sense of safety, security, and sanity.”
DDT is poisoning our world.
No, not that kind of DDT. We’re talking about the “Dreaded Drama Triangle” here. Adapted from Dr. Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle created in the 1960’s, the Dreaded Drama Triangle is the toxic mess we find ourselves in too often in our lives.
As with any good triangle, the Dreaded Drama Triangle has three points. In this case: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. Here’s a quick look at ‘em:
The Victim
“Every Victim requires a Persecutor. But the Persecutor isn’t always necessarily a person. The Persecutor could also be a condition or a circumstance. A persecuting condition might be a disease or a heart attack, or an injury. A persecuting circumstance could be a natural disaster, like a hurricane or an earthquake or a house burning down.”
“All victims have experienced a loss—a thwarted desire or aspiration—even if they’re not aware of it.”
“Frozen in fear, you avoid responsibility because you think your experience is beyond your control. This stance keeps you from making decisions, solving problems, or going after what you want in life.”
“Victims may be defensive, submissive, over-accommodating to others, passive-aggressive in conflict, dependent on others for self-worth, overly sensitive, even manipulative. They’re often angry, resentful, and envious, feeling unworthy or ashamed about their circumstances. Have you ever felt or acted this way?”
The Persecutor
“These people are often authoritarian and rigid in their views, exerting power over others in an effort to keep others from having power over them. Persecutors may act grandiose and self-righteous to mask their own insecurity.”
“Persecutors, like Victims, act out of fear. The may seem fearless, but actually Persecutors are almost always former Victims.”
The Rescuer
“A Rescuer isn’t always a person. Addictions to alcohol or drugs, sexual addiction, workaholism—all the ways we numb out—can rescue the Victim from feeling his or her own feelings.”
“Persecutors fear loss of control. Rescuers fear loss of purpose. Rescuers need Victims—someone to protect or fix—to bolster their self-esteem.”
The Antidote to DDT
“TED—The Empowerment Dynamic—counteracts the poison of DDT, the Dreaded Drama Triangle. TED is the antidote for DDT.”
So now that we’ve taken a quick look at the three orientations of the Dreaded Drama Triangle, let’s take a quick peak at the main characters in its antidote: The Empowerment Dynamic.
Whereas the Victim has a Persecutor and a Rescuer in DDT, TED’s triad features a Creator with a Challenger and a Coach. Here’s more:
The Creator
“One of the fundamental differences between the Victim Orientation and this one [Creator] is where you put your focus of attention…For Victims, the focus is always on what they don’t want: the problems that seem constantly to multiply in their lives. They don’t want the person, condition, or circumstance they consider their Persecutor, and they don’t want the fear that leads to fight, flee or freeze reactions, either. Creators, on the other hand, place their focus on what they do want. Doing this, Creators still face and solve problems in the course of creating outcomes they want, but their focus remains fixed on their ultimate vision.”
“The focus in the Creator Orientation is on a Vision or an Outcome. You orient your thoughts and actions toward creating what you most deeply want to see or experience in life.”
“A Creator is vision-focused and passion-motivated. To really live into your Creator self, you are called to do the inner work necessary to find your own sense of purpose—whatever touches your heart and holds meaning for you.”
The Challenger
“All of life’s experiences are teachers in some sense, challenging us to grow and evolve. Although the Persecutor certainly provokes a reaction, the Challenger elicits a response by encouraging the Creator to acquire new knowledge, skill, or insight. Both roles provoke change, but in different ways.”
The Coach
“The Coach is the antidote to the Victim’s Rescuer in the DDT…Mainly, a Coach supports, assists, and facilitates the Creator in manifesting a desired outcome. A Coach holds others to be whole, resourceful, and creative…They help you dig deep inside yourself to gain clarity about what you want to create in your life.”
Shift Happens
“The way you talk about yourself and your life—your story—has a great deal to do with what shows up in your day-to-day experience. Your thoughts create filters through which you view your life. If you think of yourself as a Victim, you filter all that happens to you through the lens of DDT, and you find plenty of evidence to support that viewpoint. That’s why the orientation you adopt is so important: it exerts a powerful influence on your life direction.”
All that’s nice, but how do we shift from one of the DDT roles and get into the empowered roles when we get stuck?
The simple (but not easy!) solution? Ask the right question.
“Living from the Creator Orientation is actually more challenging. In the Victim Orientation,
I didn’t have to exercise conscious choice; I just reacted to my circumstances.”
Victim-->Creator
If you find yourself showing up as Victim, ask, “What do I want?!?”
Robert Kegan once said that behind every complaint is a deeper commitment. Meaning: If you’re complaining about something (i.e., being a Victim), the complaint simply points to a deeper commitment you have for yourself that is currently being thwarted.
For example, if I’m complaining about not having the freedom to pursue my creative ideas and putting someone or something in the position of Persecutor, I need to recognize that I’m falling into Victim-mode and ask myself, “What do I want?” In this case, the answer would be something like, “I want more freedom to create.”
The moment we ask that question, we’ve shifted our focus from the problem to the vision/solution. We’re no longer helpless Victims in the clutches of some Persecutor but Creators dealing with a Challenger (or challenging situation). That’s a powerful shift.
Persecutor-->Challenger
(My personal favorite. Ahem. ☺)
I tend to challenge myself and others. I find that when I’m not living up to my own ideals, I can (frighteningly easily!) fall into the Persecutor role.
The question to ask when I witness this? “What is my intention?“
If I’m in Persecutor-mode, I tend to be unconsciously asserting my power and trying to prove that I’m right. To shift to Challenger, I need to make sure I’m grounded in the intention of love and the desire to support the individual’s growth. Try it!
Rescuer-->Coach
You’re in Rescuer-mode.
Ask yourself this question to shift to Coach: “Do I believe the person I’m serving is whole without me?”
A Coach treats everyone as a Creator—totally whole and capable of solving their own problems. With that mindset, no one needs to be rescued, eh?
Rubber Bands and Your Ideals
“The way you create any outcome in your life is to hold the vision of your deepest desires.
At the same time, though, you must honestly and accurately assess your current situation and how it relates to your greater vision. By doing this, you engage tension between what is and what can be. This tension is the primary creative force behind the manifestation of any outcome. It’s as natural and powerful as the force of gravity.”
Pick up a rubber band. (Imagining it will be fine. ☺)
Put it between the biggest finger on each of your hands. Pull your fingers apart, stretching the rubber band. Now, imagine that your right hand is your ideal, pulling away from your left hand, which is your current situation.
Feel the tension?
Nice.
That tension between your fingers is the same type of tension that exists when you dare to dream and envision your ideal life. The moment we do that, we create what TED calls “Dynamic Tension” between our ideal and our current reality.
Here’s the challenge: What do we want to do when we feel that tension between our fingers and between our ideal and where we are? Relieve it, right?
As TED advises: “In the case of dynamic tension, you can resolve the tension in either direction. You can let go of your vision and snap back toward your current reality, or you can move from your current situation toward your vision.”
As Victims, we compromise our ideal vision and then bitch that someone’s persecuting us.
As Creators? As Creators, we know that “It’s impossible to invest your soul in a compromise.” So we hold that tension and take what TED calls “Baby Steps” toward our goal.
“It is the Baby Steps you take, the everyday things you do, that eventually lead to the manifestation of your outcome.”
“Some of the steps you take may end up being detours or out-and-out mistakes. By staying focused on your vision, though, you’ll find even those steps useful in the creating process.”
…
That, my friend, is a very quick look at one of my favorite new books. I’ve barely scratched the surface of the wisdom packed into this tiny little book and I truly hope you’ll spend some time diving deeper into The Power of TED*.
With love and enthusiasm,
-bri
About the Author of “The Power of Ted*”: David Emerald
David Emerald is a confirmed creator who once viewed life through the eyes of a Victim. He makes his home on a peaceful island in the Pacific Northwest U.S., where he liked to walk the beach and imagine the best of all possible futures. (From the book)
Check out all things TED* @ www.PowerofTED.com and buy the book now!
…
About the Author of This Areté Note: Brian Johnson
Brian Johnson is a (Professional) Student of Life. He used to build businesses. Now he reads a lot and has fun integrating universal truths into his day-to-day life. He also likes to hike, laugh, write, think, draw and teach.
Check out all things Areté @ www.ThinkArete.com!
As promised, here's a little note I wrote on the Power of TED* workshop I went to a couple weekends ago.
...
Areté Notes on: The Power of TED*
By Brian Johnson
“Your life is a kind of laboratory where you’re constantly experimenting with your own higher knowing, always increasing your capacity to design the life you choose. Human beings must create; it’s hardwired. The question is, are you consciously creating or only sleepwalking through your human life?” ~ David Emerald, Author of “The Power of TED*”
TED’s your friend.
Seriously.
David Emerald’s simple, powerful fable, “The Power of TED*,” (featuring his uber-wise character, TED) is a life changing kinda book.
In this overview I’ll introduce you to two (very) different orientations from which we can choose to live: Victim and Creator. One’ll land you in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and the other’ll place you squarely where you want to be: in The Empowerment Dynamic (TED).
Ready? Let’s jump in!
…
The Dreaded Drama Triangle
“When you inhabit any of these three roles, you’re reacting to fear of victimhood, loss of control, or loss of purpose. You’re always looking outside yourself, to the people and circumstances of life, for a sense of safety, security, and sanity.”
DDT is poisoning our world.
No, not that kind of DDT. We’re talking about the “Dreaded Drama Triangle” here. Adapted from Dr. Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle created in the 1960’s, the Dreaded Drama Triangle is the toxic mess we find ourselves in too often in our lives.
As with any good triangle, the Dreaded Drama Triangle has three points. In this case: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. Here’s a quick look at ‘em:
The Victim
“Every Victim requires a Persecutor. But the Persecutor isn’t always necessarily a person. The Persecutor could also be a condition or a circumstance. A persecuting condition might be a disease or a heart attack, or an injury. A persecuting circumstance could be a natural disaster, like a hurricane or an earthquake or a house burning down.”
“All victims have experienced a loss—a thwarted desire or aspiration—even if they’re not aware of it.”
“Frozen in fear, you avoid responsibility because you think your experience is beyond your control. This stance keeps you from making decisions, solving problems, or going after what you want in life.”
“Victims may be defensive, submissive, over-accommodating to others, passive-aggressive in conflict, dependent on others for self-worth, overly sensitive, even manipulative. They’re often angry, resentful, and envious, feeling unworthy or ashamed about their circumstances. Have you ever felt or acted this way?”
The Persecutor
“These people are often authoritarian and rigid in their views, exerting power over others in an effort to keep others from having power over them. Persecutors may act grandiose and self-righteous to mask their own insecurity.”
“Persecutors, like Victims, act out of fear. The may seem fearless, but actually Persecutors are almost always former Victims.”
The Rescuer
“A Rescuer isn’t always a person. Addictions to alcohol or drugs, sexual addiction, workaholism—all the ways we numb out—can rescue the Victim from feeling his or her own feelings.”
“Persecutors fear loss of control. Rescuers fear loss of purpose. Rescuers need Victims—someone to protect or fix—to bolster their self-esteem.”
The Antidote to DDT
“TED—The Empowerment Dynamic—counteracts the poison of DDT, the Dreaded Drama Triangle. TED is the antidote for DDT.”
So now that we’ve taken a quick look at the three orientations of the Dreaded Drama Triangle, let’s take a quick peak at the main characters in its antidote: The Empowerment Dynamic.
Whereas the Victim has a Persecutor and a Rescuer in DDT, TED’s triad features a Creator with a Challenger and a Coach. Here’s more:
The Creator
“One of the fundamental differences between the Victim Orientation and this one [Creator] is where you put your focus of attention…For Victims, the focus is always on what they don’t want: the problems that seem constantly to multiply in their lives. They don’t want the person, condition, or circumstance they consider their Persecutor, and they don’t want the fear that leads to fight, flee or freeze reactions, either. Creators, on the other hand, place their focus on what they do want. Doing this, Creators still face and solve problems in the course of creating outcomes they want, but their focus remains fixed on their ultimate vision.”
“The focus in the Creator Orientation is on a Vision or an Outcome. You orient your thoughts and actions toward creating what you most deeply want to see or experience in life.”
“A Creator is vision-focused and passion-motivated. To really live into your Creator self, you are called to do the inner work necessary to find your own sense of purpose—whatever touches your heart and holds meaning for you.”
The Challenger
“All of life’s experiences are teachers in some sense, challenging us to grow and evolve. Although the Persecutor certainly provokes a reaction, the Challenger elicits a response by encouraging the Creator to acquire new knowledge, skill, or insight. Both roles provoke change, but in different ways.”
The Coach
“The Coach is the antidote to the Victim’s Rescuer in the DDT…Mainly, a Coach supports, assists, and facilitates the Creator in manifesting a desired outcome. A Coach holds others to be whole, resourceful, and creative…They help you dig deep inside yourself to gain clarity about what you want to create in your life.”
Shift Happens
“The way you talk about yourself and your life—your story—has a great deal to do with what shows up in your day-to-day experience. Your thoughts create filters through which you view your life. If you think of yourself as a Victim, you filter all that happens to you through the lens of DDT, and you find plenty of evidence to support that viewpoint. That’s why the orientation you adopt is so important: it exerts a powerful influence on your life direction.”
All that’s nice, but how do we shift from one of the DDT roles and get into the empowered roles when we get stuck?
The simple (but not easy!) solution? Ask the right question.
“Living from the Creator Orientation is actually more challenging. In the Victim Orientation,
I didn’t have to exercise conscious choice; I just reacted to my circumstances.”
Victim-->Creator
If you find yourself showing up as Victim, ask, “What do I want?!?”
Robert Kegan once said that behind every complaint is a deeper commitment. Meaning: If you’re complaining about something (i.e., being a Victim), the complaint simply points to a deeper commitment you have for yourself that is currently being thwarted.
For example, if I’m complaining about not having the freedom to pursue my creative ideas and putting someone or something in the position of Persecutor, I need to recognize that I’m falling into Victim-mode and ask myself, “What do I want?” In this case, the answer would be something like, “I want more freedom to create.”
The moment we ask that question, we’ve shifted our focus from the problem to the vision/solution. We’re no longer helpless Victims in the clutches of some Persecutor but Creators dealing with a Challenger (or challenging situation). That’s a powerful shift.
Persecutor-->Challenger
(My personal favorite. Ahem. ☺)
I tend to challenge myself and others. I find that when I’m not living up to my own ideals, I can (frighteningly easily!) fall into the Persecutor role.
The question to ask when I witness this? “What is my intention?“
If I’m in Persecutor-mode, I tend to be unconsciously asserting my power and trying to prove that I’m right. To shift to Challenger, I need to make sure I’m grounded in the intention of love and the desire to support the individual’s growth. Try it!
Rescuer-->Coach
You’re in Rescuer-mode.
Ask yourself this question to shift to Coach: “Do I believe the person I’m serving is whole without me?”
A Coach treats everyone as a Creator—totally whole and capable of solving their own problems. With that mindset, no one needs to be rescued, eh?
Rubber Bands and Your Ideals
“The way you create any outcome in your life is to hold the vision of your deepest desires.
At the same time, though, you must honestly and accurately assess your current situation and how it relates to your greater vision. By doing this, you engage tension between what is and what can be. This tension is the primary creative force behind the manifestation of any outcome. It’s as natural and powerful as the force of gravity.”
Pick up a rubber band. (Imagining it will be fine. ☺)
Put it between the biggest finger on each of your hands. Pull your fingers apart, stretching the rubber band. Now, imagine that your right hand is your ideal, pulling away from your left hand, which is your current situation.
Feel the tension?
Nice.
That tension between your fingers is the same type of tension that exists when you dare to dream and envision your ideal life. The moment we do that, we create what TED calls “Dynamic Tension” between our ideal and our current reality.
Here’s the challenge: What do we want to do when we feel that tension between our fingers and between our ideal and where we are? Relieve it, right?
As TED advises: “In the case of dynamic tension, you can resolve the tension in either direction. You can let go of your vision and snap back toward your current reality, or you can move from your current situation toward your vision.”
As Victims, we compromise our ideal vision and then bitch that someone’s persecuting us.
As Creators? As Creators, we know that “It’s impossible to invest your soul in a compromise.” So we hold that tension and take what TED calls “Baby Steps” toward our goal.
“It is the Baby Steps you take, the everyday things you do, that eventually lead to the manifestation of your outcome.”
“Some of the steps you take may end up being detours or out-and-out mistakes. By staying focused on your vision, though, you’ll find even those steps useful in the creating process.”
…
That, my friend, is a very quick look at one of my favorite new books. I’ve barely scratched the surface of the wisdom packed into this tiny little book and I truly hope you’ll spend some time diving deeper into The Power of TED*.
With love and enthusiasm,
-bri
About the Author of “The Power of Ted*”: David Emerald
David Emerald is a confirmed creator who once viewed life through the eyes of a Victim. He makes his home on a peaceful island in the Pacific Northwest U.S., where he liked to walk the beach and imagine the best of all possible futures. (From the book)
Check out all things TED* @ www.PowerofTED.com and buy the book now!
…
About the Author of This Areté Note: Brian Johnson
Brian Johnson is a (Professional) Student of Life. He used to build businesses. Now he reads a lot and has fun integrating universal truths into his day-to-day life. He also likes to hike, laugh, write, think, draw and teach.
Check out all things Areté @ www.ThinkArete.com!
Access: Public
Hey Brian,
Thanks so much for sharing all of your notes, they are very inspiring to read, and I hope you don't mind me sharing these with some friends, I will link it back to this page.
Thanks again, this is great!
Bright Blessings
Ricky
“The journey is the reward!”
hey ricky:
thanks for your awesome note!
I'm honored that you'd like to share the note and hope your friends dig it as well!
I've got soooooooooooo much more I can't wait to share in the weeks and months ahead. I really appreciate your support and “validation” that I'm on to something with it! :)
Big hug and bright blessings,
-bri
Dood! i don't know how to word this. but it is awesome to see you actively blogging, and condencing knowledge and doing what you do better than anybody else.
thanks. looking forward to seeing more.
I AGREE Franc!!!! :) He is quite the genius! :)
Keep rockin it!!!! Hugs!
Thanks, Franc. Right on. :)
and, I'm FIRED UP your genius little bro is going to be building thinkarete.com! yayuh!
Muah, my Goddess. :)
Just was reading on thinkarete.com and went here, thanks a lot, your a creator of creators man.
thx, kyle!!
can't wait to show you all that's in store on thinkArete!
Brian, oops … I just realized I commented about TED on your gratitude page instead of here…Oh well… your blog is great! :)